Dora the Children’s Worker – lessons from lockdown

Dora (not her real name, nor a real person for that matter) works at St Basil on the Brush Church, Much Binding in the Marsh (OK – they’re not real either!). Like most of us, she has struggled to see her place and role during lockdown, and a short period on furlough did nothing to build her confidence. But now she’s beginning to look forward, reflecting on ten things she has learned about helping families grow in faith during this time.

There’s no rush – the church needs to pause and not rush to get things back to how they were

Children and young people are part of families, so we need to see the family unit as our mission and responsibility

Short and simple have been the most effective in the on-line activities she has produced and recommended

Remember age ranges in families, providing things that connect across generations

Encourage therapeutic discussion and open questions to help families express to their own members what thy feel

Remind parents and carers that they can learn a lot from their children

Visit families frequently to encourage their connection with church and to grow together in faith

Families need ideas that require minimal preparation and resourcing from inside the home

Being outside for family activities connects with God’s creation and the communities the church serves

These are God’s children and families, and God has them in his hands, so prayer for them is really important

Whether we feel like Dora the Children’s Worker or not, perhaps a few of these can help us.

There continues to be a great deal in the news about behaviour, be it the business dealings and personal lives of political leaders, the language and behaviour of members of Parliament, or the behaviour of police in serious investigations. It seems that in many cases the behaviour of those we should be looking up to as people who behave honestly and honourably, falls short of what we should expect. We may all have our own stories about what we have seen or experienced in our lives and communities which, for us, constitutes bad behaviour. The problem is that most of us would never consider ourselves to be badly behaved…it is always ‘them others’!

I often work with groups of children’s workers and parents exploring with them how to manage the behavior of children, and how to get young children to behave consistently well. We discussed boundaries and guidelines, sticking to the word ‘no‘ if we need to, and avoiding confrontation. One of the key areas we explored was the example we, as adults and leaders, set the children. If children are asked or encouraged to be patient, generous and kind, yet they see the adults around them being rude, aggressive and selfish then they will naturally follow the examples they see. When the young, like us, see the behaviour that sometimes goes on in parliament, or the behaviour of individual leaders, they could easily get the impression that it is acceptable, and start to behave in the same way.

None of us are exempt from loosing our tempers, being a bit selfish, or crossing the line of behavior from time to time. Those who lead us have a particular responsibility to moderate their language and behaviour. But we all share in the need to set a positive example to the children and young people we are blessed and called to work with.

For many of us the gradual passing of time means that we get older without realizing it until we get a reminder…be it an unexpected ache, or a celebration that has come around quickly! I had another reminder of increasing age this summer, with my younger son’s 22nd birthday. There can be a sense of feeling we have passed our best, and will be sidelined by the younger generation. It was therefore really gratifying to hear that the 93-year-old Sir David Attenborough was welcomed and hailed as a hero by the mostly-young crowd at the Glastonbury Festival. Even though he is very mature in age, he has something useful to say and young people are willing to listen.

We dispose of the wisdom and knowledge of older people at our peril. World religions as well as common humanity call upon all of us to respect our elders and learn from them. We are also challenged to care for them when they are no longer able to look after themselves. This isn’t meant to be a chore but a privilege as we learn from the life story of others, hear of their achievements and challenges, and consider how difficult life has been. I know from my experiences working in churches with older as well as younger people that the wealth of wisdom of elders should not ignored, unless we are determined to fail to learn lessons from the past. We have a lot to teach our younger people about faithfulness to God, walking the way of the cross, and thriving even in the difficult times.

So well done, Sir David….and well done those younger people who think he is worth listening to, but he’s not unique - many older people also have useful things to say. Some of the best children’s workers and youth workers are people who are older, who have seen life, and are able to listen.

Recently we saw the appropriate gatherings of communities across our south coast and in northern France to remember D Day, when the allies invaded France and began to push the invading Germans back. Many gave their lives in this conflict and they were rightly remembered, as well as giving thanks to those who returned or return from conflict injured. The remaining veterans don’t claim to be heroes – they just did what they had to do. They fought for us to be free – to be in our communities, to live in support of each other, and to be free to worship.

When thinking about freedom and community we should remember the huge amount of community work done nationally by churches. From Foodbanks to parent and toddler groups, or simply providing a space for people to meet and gather in community, the range of activities is vast. Perhaps the most unappreciated and undervalued work that churches do to serve communities is work with children. That very often takes the shape of parent and toddler groups, providing parents with places, safety, resources, friendship, and community spaces. These are very well-run, with people who don’t push faith down others’ throats, but share their belief and trust in Christ by the way they serve and use their skills. They are free to provide for their communities, and, like those veteran servicemen, would never claim to be heroes…but they are!

We all have benefit hugely from our church community gatherings and spaces, and need to value them and those who work through their faith to enhance our lives.